A collection of "Joke for the Day" jokes that are so good (or so bad) that they have earned a place in the Joke Hall of Fame!

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too think to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire, " said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes. " "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said "You mean you're not the instructor?"

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig. the other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. these two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but he couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.

He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

the hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted and they poison him. the second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted and after he write his letter, they kill him, saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. We used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso to allow for storage in a carrying case.

As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked, "Are you all right?"

He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy says okay, and drives away. The next day the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins -- and they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the guy over and demands, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?" The guy replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach!"

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. the doctor says to the first old man "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply. The doctor worriedly says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies the second man. The doctor sadly says to the third man "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine" says the third man. "That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man, "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
Two molecules are walking down the street and one starts looking around. The other asks, "What's wrong?"

"I have lost my electron!"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive!"

So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.

The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul month is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in the kitchen cabinet.

This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens the door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says "Awfully sorry about all the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

A guy walks into the doctors office and says "Doc, I've got a strawberry up my butt"

The Doctor says "I've got cream for that"

This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place and he takes a seat at the bar.

"This is a nice place. I've never been here before," he says to the guy next to him.

"Oh, really?" the other replies. "It is a nice place. It's also a very special bar."

"Why is that?" the first guy asks. "Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That's an original Van Gough, and this stool I'm sitting on was once on the Titanic."

"Gee, that's amazing!" says the first guy.

"Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you'll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you're pushed back up."

"No Way! That's impossible" the guy scoffs.

"Not at all. Take a look." the other man replies, and with that he walks over to the window and opens it. He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10...20...30...40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh - he comes right back up and sails back thru the window. "See? it's fun. You should try it." he says.

"Try It" I don't even believe I saw it!" the first man shouts.

"It's easy. Watch, I'll do it again." And with that, he falls out the window again. He drops 10...20...30...40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh - he comes right back up and sails thru the window., "Give it a try. it's a blast." he says.

"Well, what the heck, I'll give it a try." the first man says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10...20...30...40...50...60...70...80...90...100 feet and splat - he ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk.

After watching this the second guy casually closes with window, heads back to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender arrives with the drink and says, "You know Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates. They are all asked. "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says "I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say....LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
Q: How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

A: Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers

Q: Why are elephants big, wrinkled, large, gray and hairy?

A: Because if they were small, round, smooth, white and hairless, they'd be aspirin tablets.

Q: What do you call a woman that knows where her husband is 24 hours a day?

A: A widow

Q: Why does a chicken coupe have only two doors?

A: Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan

A lawyer opened the door of him BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!" he whined. "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!" "Oh my god", replier the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. "Where's my Rolex!"
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and to be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here. Can I come in?" The man shouted "No! Why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there. Then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said "What did you do that for?"
Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted and after he write his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. now it is the third mans turn. He asks for a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig. The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them. He said to the digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!" The hole digger replied "Oh, yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today>"
A duck walks into a drugstore and gets a tube of Chapstick. The pharmacist says "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck says "Just put it on my bill."

Remember.....we ALWAYS need more jokes! Send your favorites to: tim@kozyradio.com. You just might hear your joke on the air, and it may even make the Hall of Fame!

 

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